It’s a good idea to plan out what you’re going to say in advance. Practice on a friend. Ask others how they did it. Learn from their mistakes.
Have your parents asked you if you’re gay? If they do, that might be the right time to tell them. When someone asks, it usually means they’re ready to hear the answer. You might feel caught off guard and deny it in the heat of the moment. Don’t worry, you can use that conversation as a stepping off place. “Mom, remember when you asked me if I was gay…”
Patience
Acceptance takes time. Be patient with your parents. Just like it took you a while to come out to yourself, your parents need time, as well. How do your parents react in stressful situations? This will be a good indicator of how they will take your news. Do they yell? Drink? Immediately change the subject or start doing a chore? Whatever their coping strategy in other stressful situations is a good indicator of how they may handle your news. If your mom needs to jump up and tend to the laundry, let her.
One thing to keep in mind is that your parents are experiencing a loss. Even though you are excited and proud of your life choice, they may need some time to let go of the dreams they had for you. They may be thinking they will never see you walk down the aisle or become grandparents. Later, as they grow to accept your lesbianism, they will see that those things are possible for you too. Right now they might not see it.
Questions
Be prepared to answer questions. Let them know this is not something you chose, nor was it their fault. The only choice you have made is to be honest with them. Do your parents belong to a religion that condems homosexuality? You might be prepared with some religious teachings from their faith that counter those arguments. Or just be prepared to let them know that you’ve come to your own beliefs about the matter and share those with them.
Some parents might suggest that you get therapy to be ‘cured.’ You can let them know that the American Psychological Association no longer considers homosexuality a mental illness, and in fact, considers therapies meant to change someone’s sexual orientation against their will as unethical.
Let them know that you are happy and adjusted in your life. Let them know you have friends and other family members who love and support you. Your parents may worry about the discrimination you may face. Assure them you can stick up for yourself and that you use good judgment.
