I had feelings towards women from the time of school age. I thought they were innocent. I had boy friends but the relationships were mostly one sided. My Mother had said she would rather I have relationships, get married and live the way others did. So I was taught to do just that.
I wasn't happy. When I was 17yrs. I went to a school (job corps) of all women. I had strong feelings for this one particular woman. I thought it was safe enough so I went along with it. But the man I was seeing outside of the school threatened to hurt her and ruin my life, so I drank and hid my true feelings. And so it was for a lot of my adult life (16yrs) I drank to hide my feelings.
When I got sober, (it wasn't because of this)I was having these feelings towards another women and I was forced to face them, letting go of the thoughts that someone was going to do anything to me. I was married at the time. I simply told him I was tired of living a lie and it wasn't him I was in love with. And so I came out.
When I got sober and had no drink to run to, I was finally faced with the reality that I was a lesbian. So I talked to some influential people about my feelings and decided I had nothing to fear. I wanted to tell the world but I found out as long as I knew what I was I didn't have to tell the world.
Ever since that (13yrs) I have been living the life I feel I was meant to live all along. Do I ever miss a male relationship? No way. I have been with 2 women in those 13yrs. One for 8yrs. who I buried. She had cancer. If it wasn't for that, I'd still be with her. And the other & I have a wonderful life together. I can't see myself living any other way.
Make no bones about it, I am proud of what I am but it makes no difference what others think. I can go where I want, do what I want and be free to love the person of my choice. I have committed myself to a wonderful women. I hope I have been helpful. Oh by the way, I met my present lady on the internet.
Sincerely, Anna
