I was 16 when I first realized the dreams I had about friends and women had reason. I was walking down the mall with a friend of mine and she pointed out a couple coming towards us, saying how she thought he was cute. The whole time she was talking about how good looking this guy was, I was thinking that I would rather be dating the girl he was with. And it hit me; I was gay and different from others. I learned at that moment I would not tell anyone, I didn't need ostracizing in high school it was hard enough.
Small Town Girl
Some seven years later as I came to terms with it and figured I would never meet anyone in my small Iowa town, I met a lady over the internet. We talked ALOT. Eventually I flew out to see her and see how we would be face to face. It was love from the beginning.
I told my friends and they initially had reservations about how we met, but that gave way to concerns about the age difference. You see we have 25 years between us. She is the same age as my mother. But I don't see her in a maternal light whatsoever. I see her as someone whom I will spend time with as long as God gives us both. But we still hide in some forms.
How we are seen by the Outside World
Medically, I am looked at as her niece or daughter and I don't fight it. Usually, I just keep quiet. It gives me access to her that I know, if we were the same age, I might not be able to do. Socially, we are not outgoing people, we are homebodies who enjoy our time together and get along well with the neighbors- and they don't ask.
I realize this supposed to be a coming out story, and it has been, the process of self-accepting is a slow one, but it does happen. I am proud of who I am. If I am asked about our relationship, I don't lie. I would die for this woman if the situation ever came up. However, being out to others is best when they are ready to deal with it. I will wait for them to ask.
~Dawn
