Firstly, the most important thing for me to say at the start of this is that I'm not a quiet person. In fact, I'm quite loud. In every single way. I have a loud voice, I say meaningful things with a lot of power behind them, and if I believe in something I'll stand up for it, no matter what the cost and I'll never back down. I butt in on conversations when I hear something derogatory or racist or a rumor that I know for a fact isn't true, or something homophobic, it's who I am. I'm a strong person with a strong sense of right and wrong.
I've Known For Years I Was a Lesbian
I've known for years that I'm a lesbian, although people who've known me for a long time fail to believe this because I used to feel like I had to pretend to be straight so that people wouldn't find me out. So I was always the one going from boyfriend to boyfriend without much time in between.Around January I started feeling like I was ready to come out at school, and for a 13-year-old that was a pretty much unheard of idea. Some of my friends laughed at me because I was acting "young", others were supportive, and proud of me for making such a difficult decision and sticking to it.
I Wanted To Make a Big Impact
I didn't know how I wanted to come out, but I knew I wanted it to be big. A lot of homophobia had been going on at my school, and I was hoping to some way, in some form, let people know that people were around them who took what they were saying to heart, even though they'd never really realized that in grade 7 and 8 people could be around who were gay or bisexual or lesbian. I knew better. I knew that in a school of about 200 (only including grades 7 and 8) I couldn't be the only one, so coming out in a "big" way would not only help myself, but would most likely help others too. I was talking to my friend one night and she was thinking of coming out too. We were talking about big things to do to come out and I came up with a phrase. "They don't have to hide the fact that they're straight, so why should I have to hide the fact that I'm not?"My friend and I discussed many ways of putting this phrase into use; writing it on all the chalkboards before school started, writing it and then photocopying it and sliding a copy into each locker....the ideas were crazy, but crazy was what we were looking for. Finally I decided that I would write it on a piece of paper, big, and clear and then tape it to the front of my locker.
I Set Out to Come Out of the Closet
The next day, I headed into school with a certain spring in my step, today was going to be the day. I was excited, I was nervous and I had that rush of adrenaline that I thrive on. I went in early, I taped up the sign, I went to choir, I went to class. However, by the time of the next class, I noticed the sign was no longer on my locker. That wasn't going to make me give up. We had an assembly that morning and it turned out a few people had seen the sign and had known it was mine. I, at that point, came out as bi-sexual.I didn't want to seem completely off-key to everyone, and I knew that if I came out as a lesbian nobody would believe me because I'd had boyfriends previously. A few people asked me about the sign, but in general it hadn't had the "WOW" factor I'd been looking for. So I talked to my friends when I got home and decided to put the sign back up the next day, to symbolize that they could take one sign down but that wouldn't shut me up. So the next day, without the same spring in my step, I trooped back into school and taped up another sign. Again, nothing happened. It was torn down again though.
The Third Time is a Charm
The third time's the charm, or so the saying goes. By the third day some people were starting to realize. I was getting a bit of a bang now at least. My teacher pulled me out of first period and asked to speak to me. I agreed and we went to the hall. We agreed that I would stop putting the signs on the locker and he told me that our school actually had a teacher who was a lesbian and that he was sure she wouldn't mind talking to me.And so, my teachers were great about it, and were always clear that they were there to support me, as well as many, or at least some of my classmates. I took a big risk those three days, but I have no regrets and nothing went too wrong. Now everybody I know knows I'm a lesbian, and I've got at least one Pride item with me wherever I go. I have a clipboard with many bits of Pride on it and my sketchbook cover is nothing but Pride symbolism. Everybody always knows and I'm certainly not quiet :) What I like most about being out is that it does help stop homophobia because if I hear someone say something that I find offensive, I can tell them, and they'll understand more, I also like it how all of my friends and acquaintances, everybody, knows they can come to me and know that I'll be a good person to talk to and that they can trust me.
