(1) Proceed with caution before using a known donor. Make sure that you know the laws of your state and, if there is any question about rights and responsibilities, seek the help of a knowledgeable attorney to help you protect your family.
(2) Don’t assume that a contract with your donor will protect you. Parentage generally is determined by statute, not by contract. Even if you and your donor are in full agreement about who should have rights and responsibilities for your child, there is no guarantee that the state will honor this. Again, when in doubt seek the advice of knowledgeable counsel.
(3) If you are having the child as a couple, and live in a state that allows second parent or co-parent adoptions, be sure to complete an adoption as soon as is practicable after your child is born. This is the only way to make certain that both of you will have full legal, parental rights to your child and – if you have used a known donor – that your donor will not be recognized as a legal parent.
Single women and lesbians using donor insemination can avoid serious missteps by consulting an attorney knowledgeable about LGBT family formation issues as part of their family planning process. If you don’t know who the experienced attorneys are in your area, check with any local LGBT organizations, and with national organizations such as the National Center for Lesbian Rights the ACLU or Lambda Legal. These organizations have referral lists of attorneys in your area who have handled these types of cases before, and who will understand the particular complexities of your case.
We are fortunate to have so many options available to us for creating family. But with that good fortune comes the responsibility to make our choices wisely.
Deborah H. Wald, Esq. is a San Francisco Bay Area attorney specializing in family formation law, with an emphasis on LGBT families. As a practitioner, teacher, and author, her goal is to ensure that all families and children receive the highest quality legal protections available.
