I am a 31 year old first generation heterosexual (but bi-friendly) Mexican woman. I grew up here in Venice California and I currently live with my boyfriend. I am a choir director and music teacher at two different Catholic parishes. I am very surprised that Proposition 8 passed and I am so touched with the peaceful protests that have been happening. Especially the one at the Mormon temple, it's about time someone stirred up their bubble!
I am curious to know if the gay community has ever proposed making civil unions equal to marriage, or to create a new "word" for their "marriages". I seem to find that many religious people are hung up on the actual word, and not the union, or so they say.
Dear Straight Ally,
Thanks for your support and for writing in. Actually, you bring up a really good question. I will do my best to answer it.Why don’t we just call marriage something else, like civil union or domestic partnership? That’s a very good idea and some gay and lesbian people do support that. But I don’t and here’s why.
Marriage vs. Civil Unions
First, civil unions and domestic partnerships do not have the same rights as marriage. The biggest difference between domestic partnerships or civil unions and marriage is that they are not portable over state borders. A domestic partnership from Lake Tahoe, California is not valid only a few miles away in Reno.Civil unions and domestic partnerships do not come with any of the more than 1,000 federal benefits of marriage, such as the ability to sponsor one’s spouse for immigration, social security, Medicare and veteran’s benefits.
Even with Same Name Marriage and Civil Unions are Not Equal
But even if we did create a federal civil union that had all the rights of marriage, that would not be enough. Why? Because we would be creating a separate class of citizenship.In fact, a study from the New Jersey Civil Union Review Commission found that even with the same rights, civil unions are not equal to marriage. The report found civil unions "perpetuate unacceptable second-class legal status."
Let me put it this way: Would you say to Rosa Parks, "What’s wrong with sitting at the back of the bus? It’s all going to the same place anyway." Or to Martin Luther King, "The water in the 'Colored' fountain is the same as the 'Whites Only' fountain. What’s the big deal?"
The fact is, by calling it something different, it is different. And telling one group of people that they can’t have the same thing as everyone else creates two classes of citizenship.
Who Decides Who YOU Can Marry?
How would you like it if you were told you could not marry your true love because your eyes are brown. Marriage is reserved for blue-eyed people only. Instead of marriage, brown eyed people can enter into a "partnership." But you’re not really sure what this partnership is. Is it a business arrangement? Does it have to do with love or sex? Or does it simply mean you can get a discount on auto insurance? You’re not really sure, but one thing you do know is what a marriage is and you want one.In the meantime, you watch all your blue-eyed brothers and sisters walk down the aisle in real weddings, complete with white gowns, wedding cakes, wonderful parties and lots of gifts. Their announcements are in the paper and they start referring to each other as "husband" and "wife." You’re left struggling with what words to use to describe your union. "Partner" sounds like a business arrangement. "Lover" makes it sound like it’s just about sex. "Domestic partner" sounds like you’re roommates. But when your sister talks about her husband, everyone knows who she’s referring to.
And besides the outside perception of your relationship, there is an unquantifiable feeling inside you. Because you’re not allowed to get married, you feel like there is something wrong with you. Especially when you see people writing letters to the editor, saying how wrong it is for brown-eyed people to marry. Religious groups say "It’s blue-eyed Adam and blue-eyed Eve NOT brown-eyed Karen and brown-eyed Steve!" And worse, as more and more brown-eyed people start to ask for and demand the right to marry, blue-eyeds start telling all kinds of lies about you to pass laws to ensure that you will never be allowed to marry. How do you feel about that as a young brown-eyed girl growing up?
And really that is just the tip of the iceberg. There are many more reasons why, even if marriage and civil unions have the same rights why they are not the same.
