K: So how did you end up getting over it, then, those suicidal years?
T: I had to get the fuck out. I looked around and I was surrounded by closed-minded bible-thumping judgmental people. So I turned 18 and I thought oh, dear God, there’s got to be something better for me out there.
K: So, you went to New York to be out…
T: I tried to date a couple more guys. They were so nice and then they’d move in to kiss me and I’d be like, eew, eek. I finally heard about some girl who worked with a friend who was gay and I did the typical coming out thing, I stalked her.
K: That’s where you did your research for the L Word!
T: (Laughter.) Oh, I wasn’t crazy like that. I would completely pretend to just show up and visit my friend. She (the crush) was a waitress, so I would watch her run upstairs to the tables and downstairs to the kitchen. I thought she was just the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen. And so, of course we dated and had the typical dysfunctional first relationship. Then I moved on from there and got into therapy.
K: You’re in the closet, you’re in Hollywood, what’s that like?
T: I remember going to the GLAAD awards my first year on Popular and I remember tearing up. I was in my foxy little outfit, on my foxy little TV show and I’m gay and I was at the fucking GLAAD awards. We accepted an award that year for Popular. And I was sitting there thinking, I’m finally around my peeps, I’m finally with my community and I had to shut up. It felt awful. It felt like I was back in the Midwest ashamed of this terrible secret. I’d gone through all of this soul searching to find peace with my sexuality and I thought, you know what, Fuck this. This dream of acting and whatever is not worth it. Not at all, I’m done.
K: How will your career be different now that you’re out?
T: I’ll tell you, the biggest difference is being married and having kids. When Melissa and I started settling into this life, I thought, I don’t want to be one of those jerky stepparents that isn’t’ really there for the kids, who doesn’t really know the kids. So, for seven out of 14 days I am responsible for how they are raised. So, seven out of 14 days I’d better be home and I’d better show up. So, the biggest influence on my [work] has been finding a script and immediately saying where does this shoot and for how long? And if it shoots out of town, I don’t go. I only went to Vancouver (to shoot The L Word) because they went out of their way to shoot around my schedule with the kids. I’m involved with them in such a degree, that whether I’m a parent or stepparent they don’t know the difference. And there’s this sit-com [pilot] for NBC that I just did. It shoots in LA, it’s got great hours.
K: So, what’s the sit-com?
T: I wish they would title it. Two women created it. They’re funky and they’re strong and they’re funny and they’re politically incorrect. It's about two quirky NY 20-somethings falling in love. I play best friend to the lead girl. My character's name is Tess, a nanny. Even if this pilot gets picked up, it still works with my family and with my kids.
K: So, you’re more in charge of making your schedule work around the kids than Melissa is?
T: Right now Melissa is the breadwinner. That might be a shocker for some of you to hear, (laughs). And she tries to be home with the kids as much as she can, but there are times when she is on the road, when I am in LA with the kids by myself. That will continue to be until this show for NBC gets picked up and her touring settles down.
